The night before my wedding I heard my maid of honour through the hotel wall saying they'd pour wine on my dress and lose the rings. I recorded four minutes of it with my phone against the connecting door.

Because what I had decided at about three in the morning is that I was not going to spend my own wedding day on her.

The recording went to nobody that day. Not one person heard it before the Monday except Paddy, who I played it to in a stairwell at four in the morning and who I had to physically stop from going up there.

I will say one thing about the Saturday that is mine.

At about half nine that night, at the end of it, Nadia came over and hugged me and said it had been a beautiful day.

And I hugged her back and said thank you.

I have thought about that for a long time and I am not proud of it and I would do it again.

One other thing about the Saturday.

The duty manager at the Sandgrove is a woman of about fifty called Ivy Prosser and she got my message at twenty past two in the morning on a Friday night.