I had learned that panic was contagious.
So I stopped showing it.
After I left the army, I tried to become someone else.
I sold commercial HVAC systems.
I wore polo shirts.
I paid the bills.
I've fixed leaky taps.
I took Claire to restaurants.
I became the safe and predictable man who said I wanted.
Apparently, sure and predictable it had finally become boring.
Claire looked at me.
“I want a divorce.”
I looked at her for several seconds.
Then I nodded.
“It’s okay.
She blinked.
“That’s it?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Fight for me.”
I almost laughed.
“You just told me that you love another man.”
She looked away.
“Derek makes me feel alive.”
I took the bag overnight that I had already made in my head without realizing it.
“Then go
to be alive.”
I walked up.
I packed six shirts.
Three pairs of jeans.
