If Dad had a question, he called me.
Not Lilla.
Not each other.
Directly.
Lilla asked for the same thing.
“If you have a problem with me, tell me,” he told them. “Klára will no longer be a courier, and neither will I.”
Mom learned this the hard way.
He called once:
« Don’t you know why Lilla isn’t answering? »
« Ask him. »
« But you must have spoken. »
– Again.
« Then? »
« Ask him. »
Long silence.
– Okay.
It was a small thing.
Yet it mattered.
Over time, a faint line remained on my arm.
Eighteen stitches left a long, irregular scar.
And Emma grew up.
He was already smiling at Lilla at three months old.
At six months old, he tried to rip out his earring.
On her first birthday, Lilla arrived first.
He brought a small box.
“This isn’t Emma’s,” he said.
« But? »
– For you.
I opened it.
It contained an old photograph.
The two of us.
They are maybe ten and twelve years old.
We were sitting in the blue room in our pajamas, under a blanket, laughing so hard at something that neither of us looked at the camera.
On the back, Lilla wrote:
“Before others explained to us what we thought of each other.”
I looked up.
« This is evil. »
– A little.
– I like it.
He hugged me.
Nothing is frozen in me now.
Our parents came later.
They brought a special gift.
Mom didn’t try to take over the organization.
Dad didn’t tell me when the cake would be.
When they were about to leave, Mom came over.
« Can I help you with something? »
In the past, I would have automatically said:
No, I’ll solve it.
I looked at the empty plates.
For the games.
To the sleeping Emma.
Then to Lilla, who was in the kitchen packing glasses.
“Yes,” I said. “You can take these plates.”
Mom nodded.
He didn’t make a big moment out of it.
He just picked them up.
And I stayed in the living room with my brother.
Lilla looked at me.
« Are you okay? »
I would have said this a long time ago:
Of course.
I just looked around.
« I’m tired. »
« Shall I help you pack? »
– Again.
He smiled.
– Good.
That was it.
Fifteen years were not resolved with a single conversation.
We didn’t suddenly become the perfect family.
But something important has changed.
If I wanted to know what Lilla thought, I no longer asked Mom.
I asked Lilla.
And when I needed help, I slowly learned not to say:
I’ll solve it.
But that:
« Yes. I really need you right now. »
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