Ten years after my husband threw me out in the rain while I was carrying his twins, I watched him tell a television audience that his one regret was never having children.

Because I had decided — and I decided it in about the January of 2015, lying on a bed in that flat above the shop —

that as long as I never spent one dollar of it, I had not actually sold anything.

And then in the March of 2019, Lilja needed something.

I am not going to describe what it was on a page that child can read. It is hers and it is not interesting and she is completely fine.

It cost four thousand dollars and it could not wait. And I did not have four thousand dollars.

And I went into that account.

And after the first time you go into an account like that, you go into it again.

The second time was eleven weeks later and it was for a boiler.

This flat has that money in it. Oskar's laptop has that money in it. Every pair of glasses he has ever had has that money in it.