“What am I supposed to do?”
“Start small,” he said. “And stay consistent.”
After leaving Mark’s room, I walked two blocks in the cold wind to find the tea shop. I bought peppermint tea, honey sticks, a plain notebook, and the softest pair of socks I could find in a little gift store next door.
It felt ridiculous.
A man trying to make up for abandonment with tea and socks.
But I didn’t know what else to do.
When I returned to Sophie’s floor, visiting hours were almost over. Dr. Keller stood outside her room, speaking quietly to another doctor. He noticed the paper bag in my hand.
“She’s resting,” he said.
“I can leave these.”
He looked at the bag, then at me.
“Are you planning to stay involved?”
The question was careful but direct.
“I don’t know what she’ll allow,” I said. “But yes.”
Dr. Keller studied me for a long moment.
“Sophie is under a great deal of stress,” he said. “Emotionally and physically. Whatever history you two have, I need to know you won’t add to that.”
“I won’t.”
“I’m serious, Ethan.”
“So am I.”
He nodded once, then opened the door a little.
The room was dim.
Sophie lay in bed with her eyes closed, her face turned toward the window. The IV line disappeared beneath tape on the back of her hand. She looked smaller than she ever had in our bed at home, where she used to sleep curled toward me even on nights when we barely spoke.
I set the bag on the rolling table beside her.
As I turned to leave, her voice stopped me.
“You remembered.”
I looked back.
Her eyes were open.
“The tea,” she said.
“Of course I remembered.”
She looked at the bag for a long moment.
Then she whispered, “Thank you.”
Those two words felt like more than I deserved.
I stood near the door, not daring to come closer.
“I’m sorry,” I said.
She closed her eyes again, and for a moment I thought she was shutting me out.
But then she said, “For which part?”
It was a fair question.
A devastating one.
I swallowed hard.
“For leaving,” I said. “For not asking better questions before I did. For assuming silence meant there was nothing left. For making grief something we had to survive separately.”
